VAN HALEN

To begin with I think it best I make a clerical note just so you know what we're dealing with. As you may have already surmised, I have every Van Halen album from the Roth era and nothing from their following incarnations. Now, that's not personal, as I have nothing against Sammy Hagar and I'm sure some of the albums are quite good but I just have never felt the urge to buy them. Maybe some day, but not anytime soon. Thus when I refer to Van Halen in the subsequent reviews I am referring, almost every time, to Roth-era Van Halen. For the purpose of this page Van Halen ceased to exist from 1984 onwards. Still, I'm sure many Roth fans believe that anyway.

So then what's so special about this David Lee Roth? Everything, and then some. One of the greatest rock stars ever. The rock star's rock star. He was never stupid enough to spiral down into serious drug abuse as his lust for life (to quote another great rock star) ensured he always remained on top of the game. He wasn't the greatest vocalist either (indeed most claim Hagar to be technically better) but he was certainly one of the greatest frontmen ever (again Iggy Pop wanders into the passage at this point). Although I've never seen him live his great tongue-in-cheek wit and "have a good time all the time" motto are prevalent throughout Van Halen's material. A great man.

The reason Van Halen were so great doesn't begin and end with David Lee Roth, however. Far from it. As a perfect foil to Roth's great frontman was one of the greatest guitarists ever, Eddie Van Halen. I'll deal with this more in the review of their eponymous debut but Van Halen were one of the most influential rock bands ever. Most of that was down to Eddie's astonishing guitar skills. Basically he was the fastest guitarist ever, reeling off scorching solos and his infamous "tapping" technique. His riffs were also great. In fact Van Halen were primarily responsible for the whole generation of "hair metal" bands that sprung up in the eighties like Poison and other similar fuckwits whose name history (or at least I) has forgotten. Why were they so much worse? Well, like any imitators they were a sad parody of the wit and promiscuity of Roth and simply not technically good enough to match Eddie. In fact Eddie Van Halen was probably the last guitarist to really re-revolutionise the instrument. Kurt Cobain made sure of that. Unfortunately, the two beacons of the nineties, Tom Morello and Johnny Greenwood have remained peerlessly innovative yet ridiculously uninfluential. Just to reiterate, I'm not claiming Van Halen to be the last revolutionary band, but I believe Eddie Van Halen to be the last influential, revolutionary guitarist.

From: Steve Curto

If you haven't heard the album Balance you have heard NOTHING. Roth was good but, musically, the band was better with Sammy.

From: Manofsteel1018@aol.com

Get your head out of your ass,a true van halen fan supports the band at all costs.yeah,dave never got caught up in the drug scene,but sammy wasn't the one who was dumb enough to get busted in central park peddling dime bags.do yourself a favor and don't try to sell me on your weak opinions and philosophys. you are clearly no match for me when it comes to vh knowledge.dave is an old burnt out singer who looks as rough as he sounds.why the multi-talented hagar,who is a good guitarist in his own right would choose to tour with an old washed up "movie-star", which is what the phenomenon known as david lee roth was supposed to be is beyond me. all you roth fans keep crying about is the old times.dave wouldn't be shit if it wasn't for the band,which is where the soul of vh lies.all you can say is sammy's too soft and his songs are weak.van halen had a say in the music,too!!!! listen to "5150",and you will see what a #1 album sounds like,o.k pal? oh yeah,that was their only #1 album!! gee and it wasn't a dlr album?not even the first album hit #1! vh fans know their shit,that's why it went straight to #1! do yourself a favor,and expand your intelligence if that's possible.go pick up a copy of "5150",and you will understand my point,or i will gladly burn you a copy and send it to you. any one who ranks on vh is not a vh fan at all,you are a washed up dlr fan,live with it!!!! the red rocker rules!!! mas tequila!!

[Look, I'm not a massive fan of Van Halen or David Lee Roth; I just reviewed them. I really don't know if the Hagar material is better and, more to the point, I don't care - JF]

From: melissa

David Lee Roth was best frontman Van Halen ever had in my mind. They were a "real" rock band, however things change. Sammy Hagar seemed to take the fun out it. Gary Cherone was a good choice but still it didn't seem right. I have all of Dave's solo discs and to me Skyscraper is the worst. D.L.R. and Your Filthy Little Mouth are great. "Going Places" and "Right Tool For The Job" are the best on the D.L.R. disc. Long live Dave.

From: carl freeland

IF ONLY WE HAD TIME MACHINES TO GO BACK TO 1978 TO SEE THEM AT THEIR BEST. I TOTALLY AGREE ABOUT DLR- S HAGAR IS OK, BUT HE WERENT A PERFORMER LIKE DAVE.THE 1ST LINE UP WAS A RARE THING. AND AS FOR ON FIRE, NOTHING COMPARES TO THAT SONG EVER!!.

I always said the best thing Gene Simmons ever did was sign Van Halen to his record label. I mean Kiss are fairly crap but at least this way they left some kind of legacy. And this album alone is a legacy. It must rank as one of the most influential rock debuts of all time. Up there with Are You Experienced?, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Rage Against the Machine. Easily nestling into the top ten of Most Influential Debut Albums in Rock Music. In fact cut the debut part, just one of the most influential rock albums ever. Why so? Well 1978 was quite a pivotal year. The rock dinosaurs were lumbering slowly to their grave, the year of the punks was over and they were slowly but surely turning into synth-pop parodies of their former selves (with the obvious exception of The Clash) and stadium rock (Aerosmith aside) was yet the monstrous behemoth it would become. So up steps the youthful rock group Van Halen. Showing the rock dinosaurs the true corrosive energy of rock, the punks how to play their fucking instruments and the stadium rock bands how stadiums really should be filled. To be honest, any album that begins with the line "I live my life like there's no tomorrow" deserves to reach classic status regardless. What I really like about this album, though, is the power of it. It's real take-no-prisoners, destroy-all-monsters stuff. To think Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath in 1978 could have even dreamed of a song with such brutal velocity as the album closer "On Fire". It reminds me a lot of the violent energy of the recent At the Drive-In album but I won't go into it given most of you Van Halen fans are surely not familiar with these contemporary geniuses. In short nothing, at the time, lived up to the brutal energy of the likes of "On Fire" or "Atomic Punk". Actually this is probably the only album where Eddie Van Halen takes centre-stage away from Roth. You want proof? How about the second track, the instrumental "Eruption"? At just under two minutes it is made up, for the most part, of an unaccompanied breakneck solo from Eddie complete with his revolutionary "tapping" technique, although everyone seems to think he wasn't the first to do it. Personally, I don't know and neither do I care. Apparently he used to turn his back to the audience when he did it live to prevent people from seeing how he did it. A bit vain really, given even if others copied it he already had the credit for inventing it; probably unfairly. But let's not get drawn into the complex web of semantics. The best song on here is the instantly distinctive "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love" with one of the greatest opening riffs ever. Apollo 440 remixed it a few years back as "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Dub". Comic, but crap. Anyway the song is the band's "Whole Lotta Love", if you will. Opening riff aside the song itself is still a really smashing song. Some great misogyny as well. "You may have all you want baby, but I got something you need." Oh yeah, that's the stuff. The album opener, "Runnin' with the Devil", is actually strangely pedestrian in comparison to what is to come. It sounds like a song Rocky might do his training routine to. Perhaps he actually does. I haven't seen all the Rocky films on account of them being crap. Still, pedestrian or not, it is still one great song. Maybe a little stadium-rock-by-numbers for some people's taste. Not mine, though, I like stadium rock. One of the other hits from the album is the cover of the Kinks' classic "You Really Got Me". Used on a GAP advert, I believe, which is the ultimate endorsement. To be honest it doesn't seem much of an improvement on the original, although with some more demonish guitar solos. Actually there's another cover on here, old blues favourite "Ice Cream Man"; certainly a less audacious choice. Some call it filler but myself I think it rocks. It begins with an acoustic shuffle (which would be replicated on Women and Children First) before bursting into life and ending with a bit more tapping. Tongue-in-cheek but a whole lotta fun. Crucial in the reasoning that led to Diver Down, no doubt. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. "Atomic Punk", as I mentioned earlier, is one of the most uncompromising on here. And great as well. Again Roth has his tongue firmly in cheek when screaming the likes of "I'm the Atomic Punk". Actually I doubt you could get a good scream with your tongue in the side of your mouth. Haha, cheap shot. There's absolutely no bad songs on here, not one. Every one is great to superb. "Little Dreamer" has quite a sinister vibe to it and a great crawling, blues riff by Eddie. The beginning to "Jamie's Cryin'" is also superb. Ah fuck it, everything about this album is great. A real essential to any rock fan's collection. God, I wish an album like this would come along now. How anyone can really get excited by the likes of Turin Brakes or Elbow is beyond me. NME take note.

This album is often criticised as being a retread of Van Halen. There is a little truth in that but the material is certainly hardly any worse. In fact I only give this a 9* because of it wasn't as revolutionary. Material-wise there ain't much to choose between this and their debut album. For the record this is also probably my favourite Van Halen album of them all. It is, quite simply, so much fun. Like I said this album is much less revolutionary so Eddie steps aside for the rock phenomena of David Lee Roth to take centre stage. This album is brimming with his excellent wit and party atmosphere. There's a couple of more sinister numbers but, for the most part, songs like "Dance the Night Away", "Bottoms Up!" and "Beautiful Girls" ensure this is one good-time record. Like all of the Van Halen albums it is quite short (just over half an hour) and all of the songs are about three minutes or so. You see, punk ethics in the medium of hard rock. How can you go wrong? Well, sack David Lee Roth for starters. Nearly all of the songs on here are pretty poppy as well. Catchy hooks, nice melodies, that sort of thing. It's still hard rockin' though so don't be so disgusted. I believe I shall deal with the poppy numbers first. "Dance the Night Away" might be a reference to the Cream song (as I know for a fact Eddie was a Cream fan) but the song ain't that similar. Actually not one of my favourites, too poppy really. Still if you like pop songs with great melodies you're in for a treat. Personally I prefer my Van Halen to rock a bit more. Having said that one of my favourite songs on here is the album closer "Beautiful Girls". This too is pretty poppy, although with a good guitar riff. A great performance from Roth as well. He's really got into character by this stage. And what a character! God, he's great. "Women in Love..." is another pop song which doesn't really strike a chord with me. Not that it isn't a good song but just that it lacks an edge. But then that is probably the point. Besides good songs aren't necessarily my favourites. Not if you believe in aesthetic objectivity anyway. And I do. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, you idiots. Hmm, that's about your lot for poppy love songs. Now let's get our collective hands dirty with the real rockers on the album. The album opener "You're No Good", like "Ice Cream Man" is an old blues standard and again is given a superb hard rockin' treatment. Even better than "Ice Cream Man" actually. It begins with a bit of a bass solo before settling into its threatening groove. The verses are short but (not so) sweet with a great chorus. Actually the bridge is the best bit: "I learnt my lesson but it left a scar but now I see you as you really are". Yeah, that bit. I bet you are singing it to yourself right now. Great, isn't it? Similarly great is the spooky "Light Up the Sky". A great riff for the verses from Eddie and great vocal harmonising for the chorus. An all-round great, great song. One of my favourite Van Halen songs. I'm also a massive fan of "D.O.A" (standing for "dead or alive"). Eddie lays on us a great, industrial grinding riff with Roth almost narrating a tale of being hassled by the cops. I dunno why but I just love the lines about smoking on a summers day. I guess it exemplifies Roth's coolness. Not that smoking is particularly cool (although sadly it is) but just how laidback the man he is. I bet he's so cool when the pigs are hassling him, not getting wound up. Yeah, anyway. "Somebody Get Me a Doctor" is also a great rock explosion. Another corrosive Van Halen smash-and-grab. Ridiculous lyrics but then that all adds to the fun. There's also another "Eruption" style instrumental, this time "Spanish Fly" with Eddie tapping on an acoustic guitar, which isn't actually much harder, take it from me - I know. So another great album, again with no bad material on it. Just a little bit lightweight and not revolutionary enough for me to award it classic status. Proof, if any was needed, that Van Halen were more than a groundbreaking debut album and a MTV favourite about jumping.

Hmm, not as much fun this one. In fact the sort of hard rockin' pop numbers have all but been eradicated in favour of a more serious heavy metal mood. Not that it's THAT serious, I mean this ain't Joy Division or anything but tracks like "Beautiful Girls" or "Bottoms Up!" wouldn't really fit in on this album. In fact it seems more of a throwback to their first album with a more metallic grind than was present on Van Halen II. For the most part, the material is also a bit lesser than what came before. I kinda wanted to give this 8* but then I'm wary of overrating my favourite artists and when put in context of some other 7* rock albums like For Those About to Rock (We Salute You) or Pink Floyd's Obscured by Clouds it appears to be keeping similar company. So 7* it is then. Still it is a good album so don't be getting the wrong end of the stick. It is just less than inspired at times. But let's deal with the positives first. The two great songs on here are the first song "And the Cradle Will Rock..." and the even better, album closer "In a Simple Rhyme". "And the Cradle Will Rock..." is an above standard slice of stadium rock with strong verses and an above-par chorus. Actually some quite incisive lyrics, as well, about how conservative American parents mistreat their more liberal-minded kids. Anyway, I imagine it would sound quite fantastic within a 40000 capacity stadium. Even more so the song "In a Simple Rhyme" is quite simply, one of Van Halen's best. It begins with a bit of guitar picking, like Boston's "More Than a Feeling", but before alarm bells start ringing it suddenly changes tact with a drum roll and a great vocal delivery from Roth. The song itself is one of the most melodic on the album with catchy hooks-a-go-go. It is just a really great song with a great performance by Roth and the rest of the band alike. Superlative stadium rock. What of the rest then? "Fools" is a sort of metallic blues song beginning with some bluesy hammer-ons and Roth imitating a whiny blues singer in humorous fashion. It is an all-round good effort and proof of the move away from the silly pop of the earlier two albums to a more mature, metallic blues style. Not that's really a good thing as it is Van Halen's great sense of fun that marked them out above other similar stadium rock bands. "Take Your Whiskey Home", again, begins with a mock blues intro, this time on an acoustic, before Eddie comes in with a great crunching riff to power the song along. A good song, although not up there with their best material. Well, that's the best tracks out of the way, what about the worst? Well, "Tora, Tora" is just a short instrumental with a riff looped by Eddie, segueing nicely into "Loss of Control". In fact, the "instrumental segueing into song" technique was present on every album hereafter to greater and lesser effect. You might even argue that the end of "Eruption" is perfect for paving the way for "You Really Got Me" on Van Halen, so that only leaves Van Halen II out. Anyway "Tora, Tora" ain't that bad (and short) but the following song "Loss of Control" is pretty poor. The verses sound like a pilot talking on an intercom before the song breaks into Roth struggling to match the breakneck pace of the music and then they all sing "loss of control" in silly voices. Not good. Mind you, it is definitely the worst song on here. The only other song I'd describe as poor is the forgettable "Romeo's Delight". It starts off well with a good delivery from Roth but soon settles into generic Van Halen with a poor chorus, lacking a decent melody or some sort of hook. "Everybody Wants Some" on the other hand is better, with a more imposing chorus, although markedly stupid - "everybody wants some, I want some too." It also marks the start of the "Roth spoken word section in the middle of a song" which is always great on account of Roth's wit and coolness. "Could This be Magic?" is entirely an acoustic shuffle which sounds just like a bar-room classic. When I first heard it I presumed it was a traditional Irish song or something that they covered. I was genuinely surprised to find out that it is self-penned. Unless they were taking lessons from Led Zeppelin about how to pass off old songs as your own. There's nothing wrong with it although it hardly screams classic song. Really, at this point, I'm just waiting for "In a Simple Rhyme" to start. So this isn't really a classic Van Halen album but, like all of Roth's stuff, it is worth owning. I just wouldn't start here. Interestingly their serious heavy metal phase only really lasted two albums (this and the subsequent Fair Warning) before they returned to the "have a good time all the time" attitude. And the two albums aren't really THAT serious.

From: Jackass

Jack, I'm enjoying your very well written & articulated personal reviews. Just to be a prick, I wanted to point out where you state that the song "Everybody Wants Some" begins Roth's 'spoken word section in the middle of a song.' This is somewhat of an oversight when you consider the lines 'I've been to the edge, and there I stood and looked down, You know I lost a lot a friends there baby, I got no time to mess around, so if you want it, you got to bleed for it baby, yeah you got to bleed, baby' from "Ain't Talkin' Bout Love" - a song you rave about, predates the your claim by two full albums.

I've often seen this album described as underrated, although I've rarely actually seen it underrated so I think I'll pass on that description. To be fair this album didn't sell very well compared to the rest of their catalogue. Certainly out of the two "serious" albums this is definitely superior to Women and Children First. Some of the songs on here are really good. In fact it is only really "Push Comes to Shove" and "One Foot Out the Door" that prevent me from awarding it 9*. As it is, it is definitely inferior to Van Halen II, if not 1984, but then that's the price of inconsistency. Of all of the six Roth albums this is definitely the darkest. There are some moments of light like the loveable "So This is Love?" or the jaunty "Hear About it Later" and "Sinner's Swing". Still though, lyrically "Mean Street" ain't all fun and games and "Push Comes to Shove" is even darker. Actually, for once, I think I'll deal with the songs in order as I think it makes a real difference with this album. To delay for a moment, though, I think this album definitely represents their most ambitious as artists. Not that they were great artists but they have definitely tried to create an aura around this album and the final two tracks probably represent one of their boldest artistic statements. Christ! What am I doing? Assessing the artistic value of Van Halen. God save us all. Let's just get down to business. "Mean Street" is the best song on the album, I don't see much controversy there. It has a great riff and a really good verse and chorus, unlike much of the material on Women and Children First. The lyric I quoted is the opening line to the album and from that alone you can tell this is a different, more darker affair to what came before, and even more so to what came after. Yeah, "Mean Street" is simply a really great song. "Dirty Movies" is also a good song celebrating the wonderful world of pornography. "Remember when that girl was prom-queen?" Roth asks us. Er, no, as over here in England we miss out on the fantastic phenomenon of proms. Again, the simple task of songwriting is pulled off with aplomb with a good verse and catchy chorus. Get the basics right. "Sinners Swing!" is almost as good as the rest of the first half of the album although not quite. It hardly sticks out, though, as substandard. "Hear About it Later" on the other hand is top notch. The bridge is the best bit ("you can try me at home..."), some great vocal melodies. The verse and chorus are great as well. A good guitar solo as well. Maybe the second best song on here. In fact the first four songs that make up the first half are easily 9* material. Unfortunately the second half takes it down a little. "Unchained" is pretty dark, with a really threatening verse and a good chorus. It breaks into a great spoken word section with Roth taunting another member of the band. The bloke says "come on, give me a break" to which Roth replies "one break coming up" and the chorus comes hurtling back in. A nice touch. Hmm, right then. All along I've been trying to justify awarding this 8* when in my heart of hearts I really want to give it 9*. Well, here's my best shot. "Push Comes to Shove" sounds a lot like an outtake from the Police's Reggatta de Blanc with a definite reggae feel to it. I dunno though, it is actually alright. But then, not that good. Overly long. Proof, really, that they should stick to what they do best. And what they do best, well that would be the following song "So This is Love?". A great pop rock song, unfeasibly upbeat and jaunty with Roth sounding like he's having the time of his life. The stand out moment on the second half. Well then, the album ends rather oddly. The penultimate song is a dark and brooding instrumental "Sunday Afternoon in the Park" marking the first serious use of keyboards which segues seamlessly into the below-par "One Foot Out the Door". However, after a minute or so Roth's inferior vocals give way to a searing, extended guitar solo. Ending an album with a guitar solo, now that's class. Actually the instrumental is probably better than the following song. Like I say, actually quite artistically ambitious. You can see why the Van Halen loving America didn't really take this album to their hearts. So I guess this album might not be to everyone's taste but don't let it put you off. It may not be a laugh-a-minute but it is still a fucking good album.

Apparently Diamond Dave wasn't too happy about the semi-commercial failure of Fair Warning, although you wouldn't think so looking at the picture on the back of this CD, featuring a stadium full of about 80,000 people. Anyhow Roth suggested the boys return to their "having a good time" roots and release a "fun" album. Furthermore Roth obviously had little confidence in the band's ability to write fun songs so about half the material on here is covers, based a little on the early success of "You Really Got Me" no doubt. Now I'm not a massive fan of covers albums (read my The Spaghetti Incident? review for proof of that) and thus, this album was never going to make as favourable impression on me as other Van Halen albums did. On the other hand I can kinda see where they are coming from on this one. In fact, this is a supremely enjoyable album and certainly one of the boy's most fun. On the other hand there is very little artistic merit present. Thus I give it 7* in the objective quality stakes but it is still a supremely enjoyable album as opposed to the semi-serious failings of Women and Children First. So then, what covers do they do? Well most are pretty major songs whilst there are also a couple of joke tracks thrown in to keep the "fun" quota up. Based on "You Really Got Me"'s success, and presumably the band's fondness of the Kinks this album opens with another Kinks song "Where Have All the Good Times Gone!". It is often said that the mark of a good cover is that it sounds like one of the band's originals and, in this case, it almost does. If I didn't know from the word go that it was a cover I might have been momentarily very impressed. As it stands it is just a standard rendition of a great song. I don't think it even improves on the original. Still it's enjoyable, if artistically duff. "Dancing in the Streets" is also thrown in, although I've never been a big fan of that particular number and the version on here fails to do anything for me. There's also the two joke covers, "Big Bad Bill" and "Happy Trails". "Big Bad Bill" is a sort of cowboy shuffle about a wild man being tamed by his wife with a female Van Halen (wife, mother, sister, I've no idea) on clarinet [see below]. A bit like "Could This Be Magic" on Women and Children First but not as good. Proof really that they didn't need these covers anymore than the covers needed them. "Happy Trails" closes the album and is sung by the band, featuring no instruments with Dave singing "bum-de-bum" rhythms. Ridiculously dumb and not worthy of praise although it is short and does attempt to finish with a bit more "fun". I don't really think it succeeds though. OK, there's one cover I've missed off and it is the Roy Orbison classic "Oh! Pretty Woman". This time, though, Van Halen's version is a cracking one with a great metallic take on the riff and a great performance from Diamond Dave. What really makes the song, though, is the keyboard instrumental that pre-empts it, "Intruder". Ominous brooding keyboards and crunching, metallic guitar build up gradually only to burst into the uplifting version of "Oh! Pretty Woman". Whenever I play people Van Halen's version of "Oh! Pretty Woman" I also play the instrumental first just because it complements it so well. Well, what of the Van Halen originals? Well most of them are pretty good. "Hang 'em High" is fast-paced and jaunty (no more Fair Warning anymore) and a pretty good song. "Secrets" is even better, although more restrained like "Women in Love" or something similar. One of the best numbers on here. "Little Guitars", on the other hand, has less to recommend it. I can't say I'm fan. I am, however, a massive fan of the last original on here, the superlative "The Full Bug"; the best song on here. Taken at absolutely breakneck pace but with the melody intact it really is a great song. You get the picture then? Artistically unambitious and pretty worthless but as a good-time rock album a whole lotta fun. You pay your money, you take your choice. It is probably Van Halen's most inessential album, though.

From: Ted Whitney

I somehow ended up reading your site that rates Van Halen albums and noticed that you said "some female van halen" plays clarinet on "Big Bad Bill". Jan Van Halen is (was) Edwards father. -tvw u.s.a.

Well then, Roth's last stand and rather aptly his biggest. Thanks to the three smash hits "Panama", "Hot For Teacher" and, of course, "Jump" this album, I believe, became Van Halen's biggest ever selling album. It really is true stadium rock. In fact, it is none more stadium rock. Chock-full of big anthems. None is more "big" than the massive hit "Jump" which must be Van Halen's most famous song. Rather contradictory, it relies on the use of keyboards rather than Eddie's distinctive guitar. To be fair I guess it is one of Van Halen's best songs. Furthermore I'm hard pushed to think of a rock song that embodies stadium rock quite as much as this one. Imagine being in some massive American football stadium when the opening keyboards start up. It sends shivers down your spine. Suddenly, out of nowhere Roth does one of his kung-fu style jumps onto the front of the stage and the song starts up. Now try telling me that ain't pure stadium rock. Well, you can try but I ain't listening. Actually "Jump" probably isn't even the best song on here. That honour would go to the utterly hilarious "Hot For Teacher". Hilarious in a knowing way mind, not like Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" or something similar. It is a completely crazy song as well. Beginning with a sort of drum solo it eventually works its way into a superb pummelling riff from Eddie before falling away again into the band imitating classroom banter with Roth the most prominent. Again the riff comes crashing back in and Roth sings nonsensical lyrics about banging his teacher before we reach the superlative chorus of "I got it made, I got it made, I got it made - I'm hot for teacher". It is one of the most stupidly enjoyable songs ever. Few bands in the world could pull off a song like "Hot For Teacher" and Van Halen (with Roth) are one of them. The third hit from the album is the more serious "Panama". Indeed when Metal Hammer magazine recently reviewed the Roth back-catalogue they listed the three "must hear" songs as "Jump", "Panama" and "Hot For Teacher". A bit narrow-minded really as "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love" is surely a Van Halen must hear. Still this album is probably the most universally appealing Van Halen album, if not the best. I feel a little guilty rating it higher than Fair Warning but it feels more right than rating them the same. As Bob Dylan once sang "if something's not right it's wrong". Although in this case it is simply less wrong. Oh, the dilemmas of reviewing CDs. Where were we? "Panama", that's right. There's a joke there given that Panama is a place but I can't be arsed to make the effort to think about it. Anyway "Panama" is another deserved classic with a great riff and another humorous spoken word section from Roth: "I reach down between my legs........and ease the seat back". Oh, sexual innuendo, how clever! No seriously, it is pretty funny. Actually the bit where the solo leads into the spoken middle-eight is truly superb. A band back to their best. Both "Top Jimmy" and "Drop Dead Legs" are really good songs, although not quite on a par with the aforementioned three classics. Personally I prefer "Drop Dead Legs" although the jaunty alacrity of "Top Jimmy" is much fun. "Drop Dead Legs" is pretty generic cock rock really, but has a great stadium-rock style chorus. The main criticism of the album is that the final three songs fail to live up to what came before. "I'll Wait" is the only other keyboard driven song (the other being "Jump" of course) and sounds just like Phil fucking Collins. It's too long as well. Amazingly I believe it was a decent success as a single. Still Phil Collins also had amazing success so perhaps the song's success isn't that stupid after all. Both "Girl Gone Bad" and "House of Pain" are, unfortunately, less memorable than most of the other songs. "Girl Gone Bad" is the better with a decent chorus and lyrics about a prostitute ("she don't work for free...") and "House of Pain" rocks quite well. Still it's a shame they aren't the same top quality as the rest of the album ("I'll Wait" excepted). So this album is pretty much the dictionary of stadium rock. Big anthems, cock rock and Phil Collins sound-a-likes. Still it is certainly a definitive Van Halen album as well. A "must hear" if you will.

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Email me at: jackfeeny@yahoo.co.uk