THE RAMONES

So if the Clash weren't the greatest punk group ever then I guess we must bestow such an honour upon their New Yawk brethren, the Ramones. And they certainly seem the natural choice for such an accolade. Most importantly, the Ramones were the first proper punk band in the whole world. Obviously they didn't just pluck "punk" out of thin air, as proto-punk bands like the New York Dolls, MC5, Stooges and even the Who, Stones and Kinks had already, unwittingly, laid the foundations for fast, simple, aggressive rock music, but the Ramones were certainly the first punk band as we know it. It really bemuses me how English rock critics, particularly those at the NME, can claim the English invented punk (usually attributed to the Sex Pistols) when the Ramones were CLEARLY doing it a whole year earlier. Even if the Sex Pistols' riffs were a bit more complicated they were still lifted directly from Johnny Thunders so that's hardly innovative or pioneering (but then that's a different story). Some, acknowledging this, go on to say that the Ramones invented "punk rock" but were not actually "punk". And that just confuses me even more. They weren't particularly aggressive or politically-minded but then neither were bands like the Buzzcocks or the Undertones and surely they are "punk"? Similarly, because of their complete lack of initial success, they always remained at a grass-roots level, in contrast to the dizzy commercial heights scaled by the Clash and even the Sex Pistols. The only reason I can think of for dismissing the Ramones as not punk is that they were not part of the British scene which basically boils down to narrow-minded patriotism - that British punk was more important than American punk. I realise Americans blow their own trumpets as much as possible as it is but credit must be given where credit is (truthfully) due. The Ramones were the first ever punk band.

Oh, we've lost the track a little there - the Ramones were also the best punk band. Weren't they? Well, I concede I am actually not a huge fan of the Ramones. I like them and all but I've never really taken them to heart. I'm not an admirer of Joey's vocals, I find the music a little too simplistic at times, and I don't really like their goofy image (I prefer a bit more aggression in my rock'n'roll). That said, there is one reason why I like the Ramones and it is also, coincidently enough, the reason why they probably are the best punk band ever. They wrote great songs. And lots of them. No punk band has ever written as many good songs as they did. Obviously most of the songs are just recycled versions of each other but, somehow, the Ramones manage to get away with it. I guess it is the overwhelming lack of pretension that counts in their favour. They just wanted to be a pop band, no bull-shit, so they just wrote as many pop songs as their musical limitations would allow. When you're only capable of sliding up and down with power chords you are hardly likely to compose startling varied tracks. I guess it is this lack of ambition which ultimately aided them, at least on the early albums, as they never over-stretched themselves, just writing simple, effective and good songs. They were also (to begin with) enviably consistent. They basically wrote fifty good to great songs in two years, which made up their first four classic albums. Speaking of which, for the moment, that is all the Ramones I currently own. I thought I may as well give 'em a page, given they are the four most important albums, but bear in mind the Ramones released a whole truckload of albums during their (roughly) twenty year career. The copies I own are the recently remastered ones so all come complete with bonus tracks.

I guess the obvious thing to start with is the claim that this album is the first ever punk album. And it is. I've argued this elsewhere but the Dolls' albums were just a little bit too sophisticated to be called real punk music. This album is where the incompetent musicianship and repetitive three chord workouts were found for the very first time. Maybe because of that or maybe not but this is also one of the best punk albums ever; if not the best. Despite all the songs being simplistic and highly repetitive there is something undeniably fantastic about this album. Although on the face of it all the songs sound the same each and every song on here is distinctly memorable and, not necessarily by virtue, great. There is of course a simple answer to this puzzling riddle - the Ramones were great song-writers. Despite sticking to mostly two or three chords (sometimes one - "Judy is a Punk") and the recently deceased Joey Ramone being a technically poor singer the melody to each and every song is memorable in some way. The fact that an album limited by such ineptitude contains not a single bad song is a striking achievement. By virtue of being the first and (possibly, probably) best punk album this album is also one the most influential ever as well. This is punk's main reference point just as Black Sabbath are heavy metal's undeniable starting reference. Enough of the context. A further general point I have rattling around my mind is that although containing some of the Ramones' most famous songs I don't think the first half or so is actually the best. To my mind the album really gets going at the onset of "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue". Indeed, some of my favourite songs on here are the lesser known ones such as "Havana Affair" and "53rd and 3rd". The final segue from the dying distortion of "I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You" to the cry of "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR" pre-empting the final "Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World" is maybe the best moment on the whole album. The album opens as it means to go on with the ultimate set-stalling cry of "Hey Ho Let's Go" on the classic "Blitzkreig Bop". One of the Ramones' trademark tunes. "Beat on the Brat" and "Judy is a Punk" are also apparently classics (according to my promotional sticker) and continue on in top form. They aren't though, in my pompous opinion, the best songs on here. "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend", on the other hand, certainly is although it is quite an extraordinary song to find its way onto the First Punk Album In The World Ever. But then that is part of the Ramones' style. If you didn't know it is a sort of bubble-gum pop ballad like the Beach Boys might have done. Still, I'll be damned if doesn't find it way into the sub-conscious of every person who ever hears it. The bell effects at the end are suitably out of place on a punk album as well. The song "Chainsaw" is rather an oddity, lyrically, with the chorus referring to the classic film, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Given that I appear to be dealing with the songs chronologically we're now at the point when the album really kicks in. "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" must be one the Ramones most distinctive songs; all ninety seconds of it. The instrumental passage in the middle is superb. Starostin reckons they ripped it off the Who's Live at Leeds and while it does sound somewhat similar I can't believe the Ramones really listened to Live at Leeds that intently. Actually let's abandon this chronological lark to look at my two underrated nuggets, "Havana Affair" and "53rd and 3rd". I've heard it said that the Ramones were either very clever or very stupid and whilst I tend to lean towards the latter explanation "Havana Affair" concerns itself, lyrically, with the more grown-up subject of Cuban peasants being made spies by the CIA. The song is typically superb and I particularly like Joey's enunciation for the word "banana". "53rd and 3rd" concerns the dirty world of rent boys (which Dee Dee used to be involved in, apparently) and thus features Dee Dee brilliantly singing a few lines himself. The darkest song on the album and also one of my favourites. I also like "Loudmouth" a great deal with its punk attitude of violent misogyny. "Listen to my Heart" is effectively a pop song with some of the best vocal melodies on the album. The weakest moment on the album is probably their cover of the classic "Let's Dance". It does reveal both their roots and what they were trying to do, though. One final word will go to the initial vocal melody on "Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World". It is superb. Oh, and my nicely remastered edition contains some bonus tracks of initial demos recorded before they got their album deal. The majority of the songs crop up again either on this album or on later albums. If anything they show the Ramones had an enviable portfolio of songs even before releasing their first album and that the recording of demos did not vary much from the production of their finished albums. Well, how should I finish this review? Like this.

I think part of the problem with the Ramones is that they just weren't very cool. I know people go on about the Ramones being real cool dudes but to me they were just four rather goofy normal blokes who formed a band. I guess the fact that I don't really like their sense of humour means I just don't "get" them as their real fans do. The other problem with the Ramones is that they were pretty much one trick ponies. Obviously there were few better one trick ponies in the history of rock music (maybe AC/DC) but the Ramones' catalogue still doesn't blow me away. Once you've heard one album you've pretty much heard them all. That said, the excellent song-writing means I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt providing they try and do something slightly different from the last album. And for this album, unfortunately, they don't. This is just entirely a retread of their debut album, which makes it less good to start with, and also the songwriting isn't quite as consistent. I mean there's not a single "bad" track on here but not every one is quite as memorable as on the previous album. In fact, in my opinion, there are at most a handful of songs on here that I would rank as equal to those on The Ramones. "Oh Oh I Love Her So" is a quite brilliant song, with Beach Boys-esque harmonies and possibly the most fantastic lyrics they had ever penned - "I met her at the Burger King, fell in love by the soda machine" - Kurt Cobain eat that! Seriously, that is as brilliant an opening couplet as I have ever heard. That song is the one example of the Ramones' goofiness and sense of humour that partially persuades me of their greatness. The other genuinely hilarious song on the album is the army piss-take "Commando" with its belittling lyrics and spoof military anthem feel. This album also contains one of the Ramones best covers, namely "California Sun". Johnny even attempts a brief bit of lead guitar but basically it is simply suited to the Ramones speeded-up style of covering songs. The opening "Glad to See You Go" is also one of the better numbers although it just sounds like the Ramones. Obviously most of the material is fine but there are still a couple of moments when it grates a little with me. "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment", to me, is a negative example of the Ramones goofy sense of humour and the song simply isn't that great. Funnily enough, it is actually seen as one of the Ramones' anthems but I suspect more because of the lyrical subject matter than the actual quality of the song. Similarly, "Pinhead" is a trademark Ramones' tune but, again, more to do with the nonsensical catchphrase "Gabba Gabba Hey" than the actual song. Most frustratingly, it unashamedly reuses the riff from "Havana Affair" from the previous album. The most common pressing of this album had the excellent "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" on it, which replaced original tune "Carbona Not Glue" which was withdrawn for copywrite reasons. The remastered series reinclude "Carbona Not Glue" which is a good thing as "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" is obviously also on Rocket to Russia and "Carbona Not Glue" is also one of the better cuts on here (written to stop people taking "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" seriously). Anyway, the exclusion of "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" is good for a further reason as the song "Suzy is a Headbanger" is something of a proto-type both in terms of the title and the feel of the song. I wouldn't say "Suzy" is quite as good but it still holds its own. The band also attempt to capture the ballad-feel of "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" with "I Remember You" and "What's Your Game". Neither, however, are as good as the original or some of their later ballads. To be fair to this album, I did own Rocket to Russia before I bought this one so perhaps my perceived unoriginality of it is relative to my erroneous chronology. I still think, though, that Rocket to Russia has the better tunes. I wouldn't even suggest that this is anything other than a very good album but I think it is perhaps the weakest of the quadrilogy (a word?), mainly on account of the band playing it just the little bit too safe. This remaster is probably the best value of the four, however, as it includes a complete concert (performed at the Hollywood Roxy in 1976) giving you, in effect, a free live album. They don't sound particularly different live (although by no means worse) and the set-list is a good one. The similarities between "Havana Affair" and "Pinhead" are even more noticeable on the live album, however. Which pretty much sums up this album as a whole.

This is actually the album that many critics regard as the moment when the Ramones' recycled formula starts to annoy and therefore this is the worst of the four (in a relative sense). Like I said in the previous review I actually owned this album before Leave Home so my chronology is reversed. Thus it was Leave Home, for me, that irritated (perhaps even bored) me a little. That said, I think there are small signs of a progression on here that satisfy me more, and I also think the songs are simply better (although there isn't a bad song on all four albums). Johnny has clearly mastered his guitar a little more so he attempts something approaching riffs (rather than the standard chord sequences he was relying on for the previous albums). I also read that he over-dubbed acoustic guitars for this album. I can't say I really hear it but the guitar, in general, definitely sounds a lot meatier, giving this album slightly more of an edge than the last one. Funnily enough, the most original riff is probably the very first one that bursts forth from the speakers, namely the intro to "Cretin Hop". It is played quicker than most of the other songs (which were pretty quick themselves) and although the lyrics are nonsensical even by the Ramones' standards the sheer energy of the track comes as a pleasant surprise. This album also contains one of my all-time favourite Ramones' songs, "Rockaway Beach". It is a great song regardless but it is, for once, the lyrics that really impress me and sum up why the Ramones were so great. The sleeve-notes make the point best but to sum up: Rockaway Beach is a complete dump but the Ramones wrote this cheery, jaunty song about how great it is just because they are the sort of people who (in a tongue-in-cheek way) take the best things out of life. If you compare that sort of attitude to the morose diatribe of Kurt Cobain I think it is plain to see why the Ramones are the far preferable band. I'm not saying lyrics shouldn't be miserable but so many are that it comes as a pleasant surprise when a band can just write about the positives in life (let's just ignore the fact that Dee Dee also wrote "Chinese Rocks"). Actually this album contains two of my all-time favourite Ramones' songs, the other being the superb "Sheena is a Punk Rocker". Like "Oh Oh I Love Her So" the band opt for a sort of Beach Boys feel, like one of their early surf songs, so we are left with a brilliantly poppy punk song. This album also contains one of the Ramones' most "punk" songs in the form of "I Don't Care" which is a nihilistic anthem on a par with the idiocy of the Sex Pistols. Except better than the Sex Pistols. Apparently it was the first song Joey ever wrote and it is a rare case of negative lyrics from the band. There are a couple more Ramones' classics on here: mainly "We're a Happy Family" and "Teenage Lobotomy". "We're a Happy Family" is another genuinely humorous song, this time about a disintegrating New York family. For some reason the reference to Queens always makes me think of the Costanzas from Seinfeld ("would you believe when I was 18 I had a silver dollar COLLECTION...?"). "Teenage Lobotomy" is similar fare to the likes of "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" and "I Wanna Be Sedated" although superior to the lot of them. It starts with a rather dumb chant but its take on old b-movies is again properly funny ("I Was A Teenage Lobotomy"). Perhaps the most disappointing element to the album is the two covers: "Do You Wanna Dance?" and "Surfin' Bird". "Do You Wanna Dance?" I can live with (about the same quality as "Let's Dance" from The Ramones; not the Bowie number) but "Surfin' Bird" is far too dumb for my snobbish tastes. Maybe the album does tail off towards the end ("I Wanna Be Well" and "I Can't Give You Everything" are hardly masterpieces) but it still stands up as probably their second best album. The first half (up to and including "Teenage Lobotomy") is pretty perfect. "Locket Love" is catchy nonsense and the "ballad" "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" is one of their best (with noticeable acoustic guitar). All told, a great album.

Thankfully for this album the band decide to progress even more. All of a sudden it's like they're the Beatles or something. Tommy has left and Marky, from Richard Hell's band, has replaced him as the drummer. You can tell the drumming is improved on here (after all Richard Hell's band were all completely un-punk in their musical ability) but, again, it is Johnny that is showing the most improvement. The best evidence of which is the album opener, "I Just Want to Have Something to Do", which is slowed right down with an almost classic rock feel to it. The riff is so slow it barely sounds like the Ramones at all and Johnny even plays a bit of lead guitar. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - quite the opposite, I think such progression is entirely a good thing for a band as theoretically repetitive as the Ramones. Perhaps most importantly the band seem to have realised that songs can be arranged in different ways and therefore every song does not have to sound like the last one. This album also definitely seems more aggressive (and less fun) than the three preceding albums. The sleeve-notes put this down to the fact that the band were mightily pissed off for inventing punk, then seeing all the other shitty acts getting rich by ripping them off. As far as getting pissed off goes, that seems like one of the better reasons. It must have been really, really, really frustrating to make three great albums, pioneer a whole genre, and then see cheeky London oiks get all the credit. It is not even as if the situation has completely reversed as the Sex Pistols are still seen by many as the inventors of punk (in Britain alone, the Damned formed before them). Still, at least the Ramones are selling enough albums now to finally gain some financial reward, even if there are only two of them left to enjoy it. (Mind you, if Dee Dee was taking smack for thirty years he can hardly curse his luck.) Personally I really enjoy this more aggressive outlook as it means the stupid, goofy humour has been more or less left behind. I realise many people (real Ramones' fans) would think that is a bad thing but, sorry, I don't. There is still one goofy, mental-illness obsessed classic on here, though, namely "I Wanna Be Sedated". I think it doesn't quite deserve its standing as one of the Ramones' all-time great songs but it is still a pretty fine song. Other goofy mental-illness songs on here are "Go Mental" (which isn't great) and "Bad Brain" (which is better but still a lesser track on the album). If we may talk favourites for a bit I'll tell you my favourite track on the album is probably the absurdly melodic "Don't Come Close". That song is quite simply superb. I'll also stick my neck out for the cover of "Needles and Pins" which is perhaps the best cover they'd ever done (or at least I've ever heard). It is probably the first cover they do for which they try to stick to the original feel, without fast, distorted guitars and therefore it seems like a more diverse offering. Along with "Don't Come Close" "She's the One" is also a great poppy offering. The angry songs are also real treats on the album, primarily "I Just Want to Have Something to Do" and "I Don't Want You", although the standard punk attitude of "I'm Against It" still packs a punch even if it isn't wildly original. The album ends with "It's a Long Way Back (to Germany)" which continues Dee Dee's unhealthy fetish of the Nazis. A lot of the New York punks glorified the Nazis (the Dead Boys in particular) which I just find repulsive. It amazes me, sometimes, the respect that Hitler holds. I don't care how many roads he fixed he killed 7 million people because of their race. You simply do not respect a man like that. Sorry, for that rant but it is one of the increasingly small things in life that I actually hold something resembling moral principles on. And if you want to know my opinions on moral principles your best bet is to ply me with drinks until I feel like rambling. Anywaaaaaaaaaaay, this is the fourth of the Ramones albums and a nuvver cracker. The slight musical progression and abandoning of their goofy humour for a bit of old-fashioned aggression makes for another great album. And that's the end of that.

Like many seventies bands facing the eighties proved to be a real challenge for the Ramones. It is practically a running gag in nostalgia films about the seventies that the unsuspecting characters optimistically hope that the eighties will be a wonderful continuation of the ideals of the seventies whilst we, the viewers, chuckle cynically at their naivity. Of course it is mainly the people who lived through the sixties and seventies that tell us that the eighties were such a terrible decade for music and I'm sure revisionism in the future will reverse the sentiments. In any case, a decade that included the Smiths, Prince and Metallica as successful artists can't have been that bad. Most seventies bands, however, did struggle to refind their form (which Spinal Tap so accurately spoofed) and given the punk revolution was more or less over (only the odd American hardcore band had any artistic relevance) the Ramones were always going to find it tricky to prolong their artistic success (they didn't have commercial success in either decade). Their creative solution was to look back, not just to their own origin, but the origin of their roots and influences. In one of the great mismatches of rock history legendary crank Phil Spector was hired as a producer, to benefit them with his "wall of sound" technique, and both parties generally agree it was something of a disaster. I believe the tense sessions culminated when Spector pulled a gun on the band when they tried to get the master tapes from him. Thankfully, the actual production of the album is not quite as disastrous. Some revisionist critics even try to argue it was immensely successful but I'd hasten to disagree. It isn't a huge disaster, and at times produces quite an interesting sound, but it was by no means a wonderful artistic success. I'd even swim against the tide and claim that Cream producer Felix Pappalardi's similar stab at producing the Dead Boys' We Have Come for Your Children is a far greater success. Indeed, comparing the two albums, given the high regard I afford to the Dead Boys, also highlights my merely lukewarm appreciation of the Ramones. This is not a poor album by any stretch but neither is it particularly great and it succeeds in exacerbating my indifference towards the supposed greatness of the Ramones. Even with extra production tricks the same recycled formula is really starting to drag and the main (and perhaps only) strength of the Ramones, their immaculate songwriting ability, is very definitely on the wane. The final two songs, "All the Way" and "High Risk Insurance", are just nothing. They should not exist. As well as revisiting the fifties they also return to their debut album with "The Return of Jackie and Judy" and the reappearance of Cuba's capital in "This Ain't Havana". Again neither songs suggest they are any good and almost besmirch the good names of the originals. They also perform another old song of theirs but for the first time. Dee Dee's "Chinese Rock" is given a run-through but you don't need me to tell you it was never going to match Thunders' blistering rendition. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that somebody else can perform your song better than you; Bob Dylan did. The bizzarest twist on the whole album, though, is the utterly faithful cover of a Spector original, "Baby, I Love You", complete with the string arrangement. Fortunately Joey manages a highly impressive vocal performance but this ain't the Ramones, let alone Havana. Scandalously, I believe it was their highest ever charting single in the UK. Instead, the nostalgia trips "Do You Remember Rock'n'Roll Radio?" and "Rock'n'Roll High School" (originating from a film they made) would have been more appropriate hit singles. Both expertly recreate the vibes from the fifties, and credit must go to Spector's production, but, most importantly, both feature great retro melodies. I'm also a sucker for the gentle, slow-building ballad "Danny Says" (a bit of diversity here and there doesn't hurt). Again, the production is definitely beneficial. Speaking of which, the glockenspiel on "I Can't Make it on Time" also elevates a mediocre song from worthlessness although they stole the middle-eight from the Dead Boys' "Sonic Reducer" for the unimpressive "Let's Go". The best 100% punk song on the album is almost certainly "I'm Affected", as it still contains classic Ramones hooks. The bonus tracks on the remaster are mainly the album demos which shows, for the most part, that Spector's production was not that essential to the strength of the album. Like I said at the start, it is hardly a complete disaster, and some of the retro elements are quite fun, but it is not an inspired masterstroke either, that impressively extends the Ramones' legacy. On this evidence, it seems likely that the eighties was about to claim another victim.

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