THE POLICE

So then, the Police. A bunch of lazy racists if you ask me, "justice" just being a by-word in their perennial search for cheap donuts and doing the least amount of work possible. Oh wait, I've got the wrong Police. The Police I'm reviewing here were actually a youthful punk group who, more than anyone, defined the aggression and unprofessionalism of punk. Oh wait, no, that's not the Police either. The Police were actually ageing jazz musicians who bleached their hair and tried to pretend they were young nihilistic punks like the Clash or the Sex Pistols whilst making pop records and appearing in chewing gum adverts. The driving force behind them also became the king of adult contemporary pop music and chief source of ridicule in the British press. Yeah that's the fucking Police alright.

But allow me to elaborate: The Police were, during the late seventies/early eighties the biggest group in the world. Due in no small part to the phenomenal song-writing talents of a certain Gordon Sumner, Sting to you and me. Actually I've often wondered who calls him Sting and who calls him Gordon. Whether Gordon is reserved for immediate family or if any one of his slightest acquaintances gets to call him Gordon. Something to think about it. Anyway, unlike the British punk groups of the time The Police were a good generation older (indeed, then thirty-something Andy Summers is older than Mick Jagger) and far more talented. In fact they weren't even proper punks at all. They all came from trad jazz bands originally and, indeed, the original guitarist was sacked for being too "punk" and therefore not proficient enough. Still if you were to call them punks, they would certainly be the most technically proficient punks ever.

In fact their music is very hard to tie down to one particular genre. Their first album does allude to the punk movement but by their last album, Synchronicity in 1983, they were moving towards adult contemporary pop. The strong reggae influence only confuses things further. Anyway, it's fair to say "pop" is present on all their albums. In fact, I think all the flack Sting gets for being a tit detracts from the fact that he is one of the greatest British song-writers to emerge in the past twenty years. He certainly rips the piss out of the likes of Phil Collins and more infuriatingly respected tossers like Bono or George Michael. Sting doesn't belong in that company. He belongs in the welcoming arms of the likes of David Bowie, Mick and Keef and Paul McCartney. And he's certainly no more a tit than Paul McCartney; although obviously not as legendary. I actually have a few of Sting's solo albums and they ain't that bad. I might review them someday. But for now, let's consider the facts...

From: David Ford

You're a pretty good writer and I really enjoyed your review of the Police.
Except for when you called Bono a 'British tosser'... yeah, he can be a big tosser, no doubt about that, but he isn't nor will he ever be F*CKING BRITISH!!
And I am sorry but Bono, The Edge et al. have managed to stay quite relevant since their early days. Meanwhile the other 'British Tossers' that you lumped them in with, Phil Collins, has been busy doing poccahontas part VII cheeseball sountracks for Disney for the last ten years and George Michael has become merely a gay club scene icon. (not that there is anything wrong with it) Not exactly chart topping or breaking record sales anyway... Anyway it was a good read I just had to get that off my chest.-cheers-dave

So, I guess this is the Police's punk album. Still any self-respecting Clash fan would probably vomit in disgust at the very notion of this being a punk album. Still the Police were no less manufactured than the Sex Pistols so don't be getting too high and mighty on us. Actually, as you no doubt have already surmised, the Clash are the only punk band I really respect. Still, this album was released in 1978, a year after the punk revolution in Britain, and all the songs are mostly about unrequited love penned by a middle-class ex-school teacher so I suggest we just leave this whole punk debate. It is "punkish" but it isn't much more than pop songs dressed in an aggressive disguise. You might call it one of the first "pop punk" albums and I know for a fact Blink 182 are big fans of the Police but seeing as I fucking hate pop punk I will refute that accolade as well. Maybe, mainstream punk. But then the Sex Pistols got to number one didn't they? Aah, fuck it. I'll just review the material external to any spurious classifications. The first seven songs are all good to great. The last three songs are all poor. Thus 8* is a pretty fair rating. Like all of the Police albums you can tell they were a "singles" band. In fact the Police are the first band I have attempted to review that don't have a classic 10* album in their cannon. I've tried my best but I can't squeeze a 10* out of any of them. Obviously the singles collection would get 10* if I ever gave greatest hits compilations 10*. Actually I'm particularly fond of the Police greatest hits as it was one of the first albums I ever listened to but, personally, I think you're better off buying all five of their albums. Mind you, I guess, if you are less extravagant the greatest hits is the perfect summation of their career. Anyway "So Lonely", "Roxanne" and "Can't Stand Losing You" stand out like a sore thumb as the smash hits on here. "Roxanne" being the biggest. It probably is the best song on here but I really do prefer the other two. Actually, no, "Can't Stand Losing You" is the best song on here. Lyrically it even predates the Smiths for suicidal love songs so a bit of kudos for Sting. That said, it used to be my favourite song as a kid because I thought it was about a man who didn't like losing in games and thus I liked it for not being a love song. How wrong I was. Mind you, "Roxanne"'s chorus is pop perfection. It's reggae basis is pretty odd, though. Actually "So Lonely" is even more "reggaefied". It has a great gradual climax towards the end as well. Again it's chorus has a great poppy hook. Still, the other four of the opening seven songs on here are all really good songs as well. "Next to You" is probably the best, devoid of any reggae sensibilities and instead being the closest contender to a punk song. It goes without saying that the hook for the chorus is superb. "Truth Hits Everybody" is maybe the darkest song on here with bell effects. Yeah, bell effects rock, they are never put to ill-use. "Black Sabbath", "Hallowed by thy Name", "Hells Bells", "For Whom the Bell Tolls"... the list is endless. Despite its darker atmosphere it is still catchy as hell. "Peanuts" follows the pop-punk road for the first time. The lyrics seem to be about Sting's heroes getting into the tabloids for their rock-star antics. Still what heroes are these? Dee Dee Ramone? Johnny Thunders? Yeah, right. Gil Evans and Charlie Mingus more like. You little faker, Sting. Still had Sid Vicious died by now? I can't be arsed to check the facts myself. "Hole in My Life" is the weakest of the good songs with an uninspiring jazzy shuffling verse giving way to a more powerful chorus. Now for the criticisms. "Born in the 50s" is stupid and derivative musically and lyrically vomit-inducing. For starters most of the people buying the Police's album (and certainly the real punks) were born in the sixties and Sting only just scrapes in anyway being born in 1950. And, of course, Andy Summers was born in the forties. Pants. As far as "My Generation" songs go leave it the experts boys. Even if most people do identify with the lyrics it still makes them shit. No-one in the world really identified with the likes of Ian Curtis or Richey Edwards (although Lord knows people tried their hardest) but it didn't make their lyrics bad because of it. Cut it out, Sting. "Be My Girl - Sally" is even worse. A fairly uninteresting pop melody gives way to some Northern bloke reciting a God-awful poem about a blow-up doll. I've just got to ask you one question? WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT? It's not big, it's not clever and it's certainly not funny. God, this album probably (certainly) would get 9* if it weren't for that fucking "song". A real embarrassment to all those concerned. The final track, "Masoko Tanga" is a sort of prolonged instrumental with only a few vocals, sung in foreign anyway. It probably marks the only real point where they let slip their pretentious jazz background. It's alright to begin with but gets boring after a while and is almost six minutes long. It's a shame the end to this album is so poor as the rest is all pretty shit-hot. But then cracking songs mixed in with filler is pretty much the Police trademark, only in this case the filler all comes at the end. Which, I guess, is a good thing.

From: Kate W

This is totally my fav Police album. I'm not sure why I like it so much more than the others...I think it's because I like how nearly all the songs have this forward drive to them. Or maybe it's because there's just such a large chunk of great songs back-to-back. If "Truth Hits Everybody" were the last song on the album, the thing would seem nearly flawless.

This is the last album that really alludes to any punkish-ness. And it's only their second. Having said that, punk was a very, very short phenomena so every punk band was forced to move on, middle-class fakers or otherwise. It is also their most reggae-ish, hence the title (which, if you didn't know, means "white reggae" in French). It is also maybe their best. It'd like to give it 10* but I just can't, it just isn't quite that good. That said it is still a fucking great album. Only two smash hits are present on here, the excellent "Message in a Bottle" and the oddly successful "Walking on the Moon" but every song on here is really good. No "Be My Girl - Sally" round these parts. Even the instrumentals are better than "Masoko Tanga". Hot damn. The opening song is, of course, "Message in a Bottle" which I'm sure you are all familiar with. I won't describe it fully, suffice to say it is based around an excellent suspended second riff by Summers. It is also darker than the hits from Outlanders d'Amour. Well, about as dark as "Can't Stand Losing You". This album, as a whole, also feels much more mature than Outlanders. Instead of feebly trying to market themselves as youthful punks the band instead take a more mature, arty-pop approach. Good on 'em. Works a treat. The following number, the title track "Reggatta de Blanc", is basically an instrumental, although it does feature "whoa-oh" style vocals. Like I mentioned it is certainly better than "Masoko Tanga" at least on account of being shorter. No seriously, it is surprisingly enjoyable. There are still a couple of punkish throwbacks in the form of "It's Alright for You" and "On Any Other Day". "It's Alright for You" is certainly the superior number, maybe because I don't think "On Any Other Day" was written by Sting. "It's Alright for You" still contains some good hooks although it still seems a bit more mature than the likes of "Peanuts". On the other hand "Contact" and "No Time This Time" are enjoyable lightweight pop songs. I've seen them referred to as filler but personally I find them important ingredients to the album. Not great songs in their own right but still good. "Walking on the Moon", "The Bed's Too Big Without You" and "Bring on the Night" are all quite curious given they rely on rather sparse reggae/jazz arrangements. Of the three "Walking on the Moon" was the biggest hit but I have got to say I find "The Bed's Too Big Without You" to be the best of the three. I love the ghostly, repetitive riff and the love-lorn lyrics. Still I believe it is quite a popular number even if it wasn't released as a single. "Bring on the Night" is also a really good song. Again it marks a definite move away from the pop-punk of the debut album into a more serious, even arty approach. "Does Everyone Stare" is also a favourite of mine, being a paranoid piano-led shuffle. I really like the vocals as well. Nice hooks, Sting, nice hooks. Actually my back of my mind is telling me Copeland wrote it but then that's probably just me being paranoid about over-egging the "Sting is great" cake. That's the second cooking analogy I've used in this review. Hmm, I guess I must be hungry. Hungry for you. Ahh shit, if this was the Ghost in the Machine review I'd be laughing. Sadly not. And now I'm procrastinating to fill out the review. I shouldn't have made the first one so long. Fuck it, this is a really great album. There's just something not quite enough to make it a 10* classic. Rock me baby.

From: anlormarechal@wanadoo.fr

I read your critics and I quite agree with you. I want to say something important about The Police and their second album Reggatta de blanc : I'm French (so excuse me for my lack of English) and this title DOES NOT mean AT ALL "white reggae" !! It is totally meaningless in French ! Did you think reggae was called "reggatta" in French ? We call it "reggae" as everybody ! Reggatta is a Spanish word that means "a race of bulls", and not reggae ! (though I'm sure they choised this word because it is near to "reggae") Anyway, even if the title were "Reggae de blanc" it wouldn't mean "white reggae" (that would have been "Reggae blanc") nor "reggae by white people" (that would have been "Reggae de blancs" or "Reggae par des blancs"). The title Reggatta de blanc means nothing at all ! Oh, this title (as well as Outlandos d'Amour which is meaningless too) was found by Miles Copeland, Stewart's brother. I don't know very well "Hungry for you", but "J'aurai toujours faim de toi" means "I will always be hungry for you", and the French lyrics are totally meaningless!

From: Kate W

While Sting obviously wrote an overwhelming majority of The Police's songs, he wasn't the sole song-writer. You were right about "On Any Other Day" - Copeland has sole writing credit on that song. "It's Alright For You" was written by Copeland and Sting. (You might be interested to know that "Peanuts" was also written by Copeland and Sting).
"Does Everybody Stare", one of my fav songs on this album, is one of Copeland's as well. One of the things I find interesting about this song is that you get to see a demonstration of where Sting's sensibilities lie as far as were he likes to be on the 'beat' when he sings. The way Copeland starts out singing it at the beginning is probably how the original demo sounded, a very simple, concise vocal line. Then Sting takes those words, and adds soul to them. Lengthening notes, placing words a little differently on the beat, etc.
I find it interesting - maybe you find this all boring though, I dunno, lol.
The track "Reggatta de Blanc" is actually a jam section that regularly showed up in the middle of "Can't Stand Losing You" live (right before the line "I guess this is our last goodbye..." - if you listen to the little instrumental break in the studio version of the song there, and then quickly switch to "Reggatta de Blanc", you can hear the similarity between them). I speculate that this jam section developed while touring on Outlandos d'Amour, and then they decided to record it by itself as an instrumental for their second album (why pass up a good opportunity for filler?).

Apparently this album was rushed out a bit to satisfy the cravings of a Police-hungry public (more food analogies) and, to be honest, it sounds it. That said the Police were top of the game at this point (well, at every point actually) so this album is still really good, it just could have been really great. There's a few instrumentals (though most are pretty good) and some of the "songs" are a bit half-baked. Excellent proof of this can be found when comparing the rather tedious version of "Shadows in the Rain" on here to the rip-roaring up-tempo version that Sting did on his first solo album The Dream of Blue Turtles. Still, that said, the first half of this album is pretty immaculate. A little bit like their first album I suppose. "Don't Stand So Close to Me" and "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" were the two songs from here to be included on the singles compilation which leaves my powers of deduction to, well, deduce that they were the two songs released as singles. "Don't Stand So Close to Me" is the better song with a powerful story about a teacher who seduces (gets seduced by?) one of his schoolgirls. Yeah, and I doubt many punk bands make reference to Nabakov either. Mind you the punk point is a completely moot one by this point. "Don't Stand So Close to Me" was redone to mark the Police's split but I think I prefer this, darker version. On the other hand, the 86 version has a better chorus. Actually more proof that Sting wasn't happy with the finished version of some of the songs on here. Maybe all of them. After all if the best song on here wasn't given a satisfactory rendition (in the author's opinion) then God knows about the rest of them. "When the World is Running Down..." is also a cracker of the song and was recently given the God-awful Ibiza-remix treatment. Still the version on here seems fine to me. A good chorus. "Driven to Tears" is also a good song, more serious than most of their previous efforts. On the other hand "Canary in a Coalmine" is ridiculously jaunty. An enjoyably pure pop song. "Bombs Away", on the other hand, is lightweight and infinitely more forgettable. It also marks the start of the Police's (well, Sting's) political criticisms. Actually "Man in a Suitcase" is also pretty lightweight but is a better song than "Bombs Away", if not "Canary in a Coalmine". The nonsensically titled "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" is probably the best pop song on here. The verses aren't that great but the bridge picks up the pace before the excellently stupid chorus comes in. It also has the honour of being the centre of one of the only good jokes I've seen on that lesbian sitcom Ellen. I won't repeat it but it made me chuckle which is pretty rare for Ellen. It was a good four or five years ago, mind. I haven't watched Ellen in years. I went through that period when you're younger when you watch loads of sitcoms even though they rarely raise you to a smile. These days TV bores the daylights out of me. Where were we? "Behind my Camel" and "The Other Way of Stopping" are decent instrumentals but probably filler, all things considered. Similarly "Voices Inside My Head" does have lyrics but lacks any real melody. Rushed, rushed, rushed. So then, a rushed album to cash in on the increasingly popularity of the Police's success yet still surprisingly good. All in all, though, probably their weakest effort.

From: Kate W

I think this particular nonsensical title might actually be making fun of their previous titles, lol. I can imagine one of the band members suggesting it in jest, just to be funny.
I've heard about The Police tried to reunite and record the album that amounted basically to a remixed version of "Don't Stand So Close To Me". The popular take on it is that Sting was being a jerk and didn't want to give them any new songs. But you've actually managed to convince me (for one, by the fact that he redid some of these songs later in his solo career), that maybe he really did just want to record a superior version of this album. I mean, the only other "remix" song they managed to finish before splitting again was another song from this album - "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" (which remains to this day unreleased).
Random note: Primus did a pretty cool (and relatively faithful) cover of "Behind My Camel" on their album Rhinoplasty.

This album represents quite a milestone in the Police's catalogue. Not only is it the first album to have an English title but it is also the only album not to feature their faces on the front, although the analogue figures represent each member's face. It also marks the first Sting album which is predominantly concerned with the environment and globalisation. In other words Sting has become the preachy, condescending twat we all know and (I) love. I always felt sorry for Sting as it's not as if he is espousing some crack-pot shit like The Church Of Scientology or anything. Environmentalism should be a real issue (although obviously not as important as the oil industry, eh Bush?) and Pinochet was a fucking twat. I can also see that being in his position (to be able to influence thousands of people) you might want to use it to actively improve the condition of the world as you see it. That said, he is a preachy twat and the whole Buddhist tantric sex thing I'd rather he left at home. Mind you, at least he was big enough to admit he did the car advert for money. Anyway let's jump back twenty years (how time flies) to 1981 when Sting was still the thinking woman's pin-up. Well, every woman's pin-up. As Tommy Vance once said: "I'm straight as a die, but Sting's enough to turn me gay." Good ol' Vance. This album also represents the very peak of their arty approach with a sort of globalisation/industrial feel what with the onset of eighties technology and the like. A bit like OK Computer, I guess. The heavenly pop of "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" (one of the Police's, and Sting's for that matter, greatest songs) is thrown in for a bit of light relief but mainly the songs deal with the world we live(d) in. "Spirits in the Material World" has a typically great, catchy chorus although the keyboards (played by Jean Roussel) add a much more sinister vibe than what we are really used to. Similarly "Invisible Sun" (about the troubles in Northern Ireland I believe) is also overbearingly dark and eerie. It used to scare me as a kid. I don't even know if I like it that much but I put it on the best tracks list anyway. Just to spite you. I really like the aggressive pop of "Hungry For You" even though it is sung, for the most part, in French. It's ironic that their first English-titled album should have such a French connection (it was recorded in Quebec). "Demolition Man" is almost an out and out rocker with surprisingly standard guitar soloing from Summers. One of my guitar books refers to Summers as one of the most innovative guitarists of the eighties. He does all sorts of crazy new age shit these days. I bought one because the swearing on Use Your Illusion put me off. Apologies, a bit of an in-joke there. And not even a very good one. Anyway "Demolition Man" was covered appallingly for that similarly appalling (although shamefully watchable) Sylvester Stallone venture of the same name. I don't understand why film companies get nobodies to cover famous songs for the closing credits. The excellent Jumping Jack Flash is a good case in point. You know, the one with Whoopi Goldberg which everyone in my generation must have seen two hundred times. Perhaps I should mention it in my new song, "Born in the 80s". That said, you'd accuse me of being a Sting-style cheat given I just sneak in on the back of 1980. Anyway, the film actually uses the original during the odd scene yet as the credits are playing we're subjected to a God-awful cover. I mean, they've already bought the rights because the Stones' version was used during the film. Fuck me, that was a bit of a diversion. Erm..."Rehumanise Yourself" features the use of the word "cunt" (see the quoted lyric at the top) which marks the song out, although the song itself is a little weak. "One World [Not Three]" is a bizarre reggae shuffle, like a really bad Bob Marley outtake or something. Very political, as you may have worked out from its title. Oh, "Too Much Information" is pretty good, a bit like an embryonic "Synchronicity I". "Omegaman" I like a lot, although it has stupid lyrics, with a catchy hook for the chorus and verses and a good riff from Summers. "Secret Journey" is pretty good as well, with a great chorus which would be recycled somewhat for Sting's "Fortress Around Your Heart". The final track "Darkness" is one of the most tear-jerking songs ever. Poor Sting opens his heart about how awful it is being an international rock star. FUCK OFF. Tell you what, let's swap, eh? That way you can stay up til 2 in the morning in front of your computer writing a review no-one's ever going to read and I'll descend into an abyss of cocaine, beautiful women and artistic genius. FUCK OFF. I hate rock stars whinging. Where's David Lee fucking Roth when you need him? Still this is a really, really good album. It might not be much better than Outlanders but I give it the superior 9* rating because I like atmospheric concept albums. Hokey, dokey?

From: Kate W

I love this title. I love concept albums. And I really love this album cover. But the album itself just left me cold. I mean, it's probably my least fav of all their albums. Maybe it's one of those albums that takes several listenings to warm up to, I don't know.
Last I listened to this album, I remember thinking that most of the songs had a lot of potential to be very likeable...but in the end it just seemed a little "undercooked" to me. In my opinion anyways - I haven't listened to it in awhile.

First a word for the less clever amongst you: "Synchronicity" means the occurrence of two seemingly unconnected events that really do relate one some higher level. I looked it up in the dictionary. This, of course, is alluded to in the two title tracks. But more of an introduction first. This was the Police's last album. Sting was pissed off with the others and they were pissed off with him so they did one last album (even though Sting wanted to use the hits on his first proposed solo album) and split up in the wake of global domination. I reckon they might get together again at some stage although, to be honest, I think Sting is probably more famous as a solo artist than the Police are in their own right. I bet the majority of people think "Every Breath You Take" is by Sting rather than the Police. Which is a bit of a shame, but given he wrote it, not that much. This was also the first album where each member took individual songwriting credits. What that means, though, is that Sting divorces himself from the weak songs on the album. In fact "Mother" by Andy Summers is quite possibly one of the worst pieces of music I have ever heard. He can't sing so set to what appears to be The Theme From Midnight Express Summers cries out sub-Freudian shit about his mother. God, if I was Sting (although according to "Darkness" I don't want to be) I would just have refused point blank to put this little piece of shite on the album. Summers is a relatively talented man, surely, oh surely, he could have done better than this. His fucking kids could have written a better piece of music than this. Anyhow Copeland's "Miss Gradenko" sounds like fucking "Like a Rolling Stone" in comparison but when the initial morbid shock has worn off Copeland's track is also distinctly sub-par. All of Sting's songs are pretty good but a lot of them waver a little bit too much towards bland, adult contemporary. You can certainly see where "They Dance Alone" (one of Sting's dullest, if worthy, solo hits) is coming from in the likes of "Tea in the Sahara" and the ridiculous "Walking in Their Footsteps" - "hey Mr. Dinosaur" indeed! That said "Every Breath You Take" is obviously the best song Sting ever wrote, adult contemporary or not and similarly "King of Pain" is another great mature pop song with a cracking chorus. I'm less keen on "Wrapped Around Your Finger" but I ain't in the mood to be controversial so, yeah, what a great song. Maybe the second best song on here, though, is the pulsating "Synchronicity II". "Synchronicity I" is almost as good, although not quite. Both songs, though, other than the three hit singles are the other key moments on the album. The poppy "O My God" is quite fun and the similarly silly "Murder by Numbers" also hits the spot, thanks largely to a great chord progression by Summers. The rest, as I have already mentioned, is not so good. Too much filler for this to really be a classic album. Hmm, the two 9* albums I awarded are probably the two with the least filler. Fits quite well with my Police were largely a singles band theory. This record reviewing just gets easier and easier. And that marks the end of the nice and concise Police collection. To quote Tom Verlaine: "this case is closed."

From: Jay Russell

Hey. Just read and really enjoyed your reviews on the Police. Shit, I like them better now than I did then. Oh yeah; on the Synchronicity album"Mother" is all about the movie Psycho and Norman Bates. If I remember correctly, Psycho II came out only a year or two before this album. And yes, a truly odd choice for one of the most successful albums of the 1980's.

From: Kate W

I'm sorry...I have a morbid sense of humor. Very morbid. And the first time I heard "Mother", I actually started cracking up. I can't help but like this song...it's just too funny. Funny and wonderfully disturbing.
However, it doesn't fit very well in an album setting. It's so unconvential that, when put with other songs, it becomes outright annoying. So I know what you're saying. But I still like it. ;-)
Now you should review The Police - Live! Some variations on songs, some good, some bad. And a version of "Synchronicity I & II" together uninterrupted. C'mon, that makes you curious, doesn't it? ;-)

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