HIGH FIVES

"High five, more dead than alive" sang Beck on his smash hit "High Five". And that has nothing to do with this page. Instead this page is to do with lists. And lots of them. A while ago someone recommended I put some lists on my site of best gutarists, etc. and I have finally got around to doing them. The thing is, being a modest man, I don't believe I have the sufficient experience and depth of knowledge required to list the objectively best albums, guitarists and what-have-you so instead, the lists on this page are of a more subjective and ultimately flippant nature. Most, if not all, are utterly useless. It is, in fact, my post-modern take on the anally-retentive world of listing things. But then, I probably shouldn't have said it was a joke as by doing so I've somewhat nullified my original gesture. Where's Matthew Collings when you need him?

Last Updated: 20.05.03

 

Top 5: Rock stars I'd like to have a pint with:

  1. David Bowie (reportedly very nice)
  2. Mick Jagger (what he lacks in niceness he makes up for with charm)
  3. Slash (nice man, big boozer, great guitarist - what more could I ask?)
  4. David Lee Roth (he might not be a really nice bloke but you'd certainly have a good time)
  5. Sting (aw, come on, he might be alright)

Top 5: Fat men in music:

  1. John Coltrane ('nuff said)
  2. Van "the man" Morrison (it seems the fatter he gets the worse his albums get)
  3. Elvis Presley (the original and best)
  4. Meatloaf (I don't like his music much but he seems like a decent bloke)
  5. Gazza (well, he did the "Gazza Rap", did he not?)

Top 5: Guitarists whose first name begins with "J":

  1. Jimi Hendrix
  2. Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin)
  3. Johnny Greenwood (Radiohead)
  4. Johnny Marr (The Smiths)
  5. Johnny Thunders (New York Dolls)

Top 5: Songs with "rock 'n' roll" in the title:

  1. "Rock 'n' Roll" - Led Zeppelin
  2. "Rock and Roll" - The Velvet Underground
  3. "Rock 'n' Roll Suicide" - David Bowie
  4. "Rock 'n' Roll Damnation" - AC/DC
  5. "Condemned to Rock 'n' Roll" - Manic Street Preachers

Top 5: Rock Stars who should be dead by now:

  1. Keith Richards
  2. Ronnie Wood
  3. Steven Tyler
  4. Joe Perry
  5. [another selected member of the Stones or Aerosmith]

Top 5: Songs with bell effects in them:

  1. "For Whom the Bell Tolls" - Metallica (damn straight)
  2. "Hallowed by thy Name" - Iron Maiden
  3. "Black Sabbath" - Black Sabbath
  4. "Disarm" - The Smashing Pumpkins
  5. "Truth Hits Everybody" - The Police

Top 5: Albums that are too looooooooong:

  1. MACHINA/The Machines of God - The Smashing Pumpkins
  2. Adore - The Smashing Pumpkins (spot the trend)
  3. This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours - Manic Street Preachers (yaaaaaaawn)
  4. These Days - Bon Jovi (give me one good reason to not turn off after the first four songs)
  5. Layla (And Other Assorted Love Songs) - Derek and the Dominoes (overrated)

Top 5: Lists on this page:

  1. Top 5: Rock stars I'd like to have a pint with (original and best)
  2. Top 5: Songs with "rock 'n' roll" in the title (clever)
  3. Top 5: Fat men in music (a point off for use of Everton footballer)
  4. Top 5: Albums that are too looooooooong (contemporary bias)
  5. Top 5: Lists on this page (I bet you saw that one coming a mile off)

Top 5: Songs that make me cry:

  1. "If You See Her Say Hello" - Bob Dylan (aren't I pathetic?)
  2. "Goodbye to Romance" - Ozzy Osbourne ("I know we'll meet in the end" - and you did as well, heartwarming)
  3. "I Know it's Over" - The Smiths (I'm intrigued, Mr Morrissey, have we met before?)
  4. "It Was a Very Good Year" - Frank Sinatra (no, I don't know why either)
  5. "Always on my Mind" - Elvis Presley (oh God, I'm a loser)

Top 5: New York punk songs:

  1. "Chinese Rocks" - Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers
  2. "Blank Generation" - Richard Hell and the Voidoids
  3. "Venus" - Television
  4. "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" - The Ramones
  5. "Looking for a Kiss" - New York Dolls

Top 5: Albums that sort the men from the boys:

  1. Kid A - Radiohead (pretty much the definition of an album that sorts men from boys)
  2. Electric Ladyland - Jimi Hendrix (and I think the fifteen minute "Voodoo Chile" is the best track, how manly am I?)
  3. Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Pink Floyd (so you like Pink Floyd, do you?)
  4. White Light/White Heat - The Velvet Underground (the same riff for seventeen minutes - bring it on)
  5. Bitches Brew - Miles Davis (I'm not even sure if I like it)

Top 5: Rock Stars who shouldn't be dead by now:

  1. Jimi Hendrix (personally, I never really trusted sleeping pills)
  2. Otis Redding (ditto for light aircraft)
  3. Jeff Buckley (I'm just going for a swim, I might be some time...)
  4. Marvin Gaye (you have a nut-job for a father, you pay the price)
  5. John Coltrane (cancer at forty? That's one bad deal)

Top 5: Shit songs by great artists:

  1. "If Dogs Run Free" - Bob Dylan
  2. "Mother" - The Police (naturally)
  3. "Candy Store Rock" - Led Zeppelin
  4. "Am I Going Insane (Radio)" - Black Sabbath (a whisker ahead of "Who Are You?")
  5. "The Trial" - Pink Floyd (to repeat: ghastly)

Top 5: Moments in punk songs:

  1. Joe Strummer's cry of "NOW GET THIS!" on The Clash's "London Calling"
  2. Stiv Bators spitting out the ultimate nihilistic catchphrase "I don't care about living and I don't care if I die" on the Dead Boys' "Flamethrower Love"
  3. "You need an escort to take the piss, he holds your hand and he shakes your dick" - Johnny Thunders puts the Sex Pistols in their place on "London Boys"
  4. "I gave them up when I was SIX!" - The Undertones pour scorn on Chocolate Buttons in "Mars Bars"
  5. The segue from quirky intro to full-pelt punk song in Richard Hell's "Blank Generation"

Top 5: Coolest non-rock stars:

  1. Miles Davis
  2. Johnny Cash
  3. Frank Sinatra
  4. Otis Redding
  5. John Coltrane

 

From: Ed Bradshaw

RE: the Feeny CD archive top five fat people - Since when has John Coltrane been fat? How fat do you think he is - ROBBIE Coltrane yes, but not his adopted half brother. He was a heroin addict - look at Hughes, he's not fat.

From: PhiloPoet0@aol.com

First off, great job...I like your taste in music also... now to get to the meat...on your lists page...

Top 5: Rock Stars who should be dead by now:

Iggy has to be on there... [True - JF] Syd Barrett: more from suicide watch or just plain going off the deep end. Bowie perhaps.

Top 5: Albums that sort the men from the boys:

  1. Lou Reed's Metal machine music...I dare you to listen to the whole thing in one sitting..heh
  2. Suicide's 1st album
  3. Beatles - Sgt Pepper's. Now let me explain...going beyond the singles and listening to this as an album in its entirety and being able to see the insanity of it... [Erm...]
  4. Throbbing Gristle's "greatest hits"

And as for Piper at the Gates of Dawn. I love it, probably my favorite from them...more paranoid and insane than Dark Side of the Moon, though I love it as well...

Top 5: Rock stars I'd like to have a pint with:

  1. Bowie...of course
  2. Lou Reed: really great personality [Again - Erm...]
  3. Iggy Pop: just to meet him for pete's sake
  4. Any of the lads from New Order
  5. Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth: just a nutty guy with a great personality and a great taste in music...

Top 5: New York punk songs (in no order):

  1. "Jet Boy"- New York Dolls
  2. "Psycho Killer" - Talking Heads
  3. "Chinese Rocks" - Any of the versions
  4. "Sonic Reducer" - Dead Boys
  5. "Marquee Moon" - Television

[Surely "Blank Generation" has to be on the list?]

Matt

From: Nicholas Spicer

Top 5: Rock(?) stars I'd like to have a pint with:

  1. Brian Eno - a god
  2. Robert Wyatt - another god (Soft Machine drummer and singer, friends with Pink Floyd, you *really* ought to listen to the first 3 albums)
  3. David Bowie - to apologize for hating him for a decade, after vaguely knowing him in Beckenham before he became worthy of being an arrogant prick
  4. Brian Ferry - to ask "what the fuck happened?" [I'm sure he'd appreciate that - JF]
  5. I'll get back to you on this one. Maybe John Cale.

From: anlormarechal@wanadoo.fr

In the Top 5 of guitarists whose first name begins with "J", you've forgotten Johnny Winter. Or maybe you'd put him as n°6 or 7 ? (I don't know the 3 Johnnys you've selected but I know Johnny Winter is a great blues guitarist)

From: Andy Phillips

Songs with bell effects in them: They Might Be Giants "The Bells" from Factory Showroom
Lou Reed "Crazy Feeling" -Sweet Lou is sooooo smooth on this one.
As far as having a pint: 1. forget Mick, I'd like to belly up with Keith
2. Alex Chilton (I want to see if he is as pissed off as I imagine him to be)
Any of the Robert Fripp/Andy Summers albums (I Advanced Masked and Bewitched) are pretty tough to take. Back when I really loved the Police I thought I really should like anything with Andy Summers and I tried to like these two, but...

From: anlormarechal@wanadoo.fr

Top 5 Rock stars I'd like to have a pint with:
Why not Lemmy Kilmister (Motörhead's singer and bassist - well not really bassist 'cause he plays chords on his bass !) I'd rather meet Keith Richards than Mick Jagger. Problem is, I'd be afraid of getting a drug addiction just standing next to one of these two guys...

Guitarists whose first name begins with "J":
John McLaughlin (but Jimi Hendrix and Jimmy Page have to be n°1 and 2)

Rock Stars who should be dead by now:
Lemmy (he smokes a lot, drinks even more, is so addicted to speed that his doctor said "you'd die if you stopped having amphetamines!", in a word he's worse than Keith Richards, and he's still alive and strutting at 57 !)

Songs with bell effects in them:
I'm surprised you didn't mention "Hells Bells" (AC/DC's best song ever), but I agree with "For Whom the Bell Tolls" as n°1.

Songs that make me cry:
Of course no one out of France know this one, but "P'tite Conne" by Renaud (a French singer-songwriter) is the only song I've ever heard that almost brought me to tears.

Albums that sort the men from the boys:
Everything Louder Than Everyone Else by Motörhead (try to listen to it at peak volume - I put 8 out of 40 and the floor was already shaking !)

Shit songs by great artists:
I'd put "Wearing and Tearing" (Led Zeppelin) instead of "Candy Store Rock". I don't know the other songs you mentionned, but "Because" by the Beatles is really, really bad (makes me cringe each time I listen to the album)

From: John Chew

Songs that make me cry:
i know no one has heard of it but the eels daisies of the galaxy.
i swear i'm in the middle of the page and the song is in the background, and something just happen and I tear up, creepy as hell.

From: Nathan

Top 5 Songs With Bell Effects in Them:
Surely the single version of "Honky Tonk Woman" has to be on here. It's got a cow bell!!!

From: Simon Brigham

Top 5 Songs With Bell Effects in Them:
I think "Tubular Bells, Part One" by Mike Oldfield would be worthy.

Top 5 Rock stars I'd like to have a pint with:

  1. Peter Gabriel
  2. Brian Eno
  3. David Bowie
  4. Roger Waters
  5. Mark Knopfler.

From: mike noto

regarding stars who should be dead by now:
at number 5: Lou Reed or Iggy Pop. Wouldn't you say either qualify?

 

Email me at: jackfeeny@yahoo.co.uk