EMERSON, LAKE AND PALMER

ELP = Keith Emerson = keyboards, piano, etc.; Greg Lake = vocals, bass, guitar; Carl Palmer = drums. I was going to have to say that at some point so I might as well get it over with at the start. Now ELP are seen as the very epitome of prog. Pompous, pretentious and crap. Apparently, they used to tour with a separate truck each with their names written on the top and Greg Lake used to stand on an antique Persian rug on-stage and general overbearing stuff like that. To be honest, though, I wasn't alive in the seventies and nor am I a historian of prog so this is all second hand knowledge. I'm sure plenty of other sites go into more detail about these things so I suggest you look elsewhere. I'm just here for the reviews. This is, though, their debut album. And, as such, an all round decent debut. For the first half of the album Keith Emerson restrains himself from wheeling out the silly synthesisers and thus the first half actually sounds pretty good. Apparently Emerson is a great pianist but I can't say I really notice that much. He's certainly the biggest show-off. Eight minutes of this album is taken up by "The Three Fates" which is an extended instrumental with Keith switching from piano to keyboards to the almighty pomp of a church organ. To be fair, though, it ain't all that bad. As there's only three of them, and Lake is primarily a bassist, Emerson plays pretty much the lead role with his keyboards. Like I was saying, for this album that ain't really a bad thing as his synthesisers aren't really dusted off that much but I imagine later on (from what I've heard) he gets far more enthusiastic about his awful synthesisers. "Tank" is pretty much a drum solo, and not a bad one at that, but Emerson pops up at the end with the most incredibly terrible-sounding synth solo I've ever heard. He obviously has one of those pitch-bender knobs as he keeps jumping the range up and down. Regardless of his technical proficiency it sounds awful. Seeing as it only comes at the end of a drum solo, though, it is hardly the greatest crime in the world. Similarly the bad keyboards are used towards the end of the final track "Lucky Man". I don't like "Lucky Man" much anyway. It was obviously intended as the commercial song to woo the pop crowd as it is a pretty straightforward number with inane lyrics trying to sound really important. I believe it was pretty successful, as well, which is yet another musical atrocity committed by the general public. Just to think of the great singles released at the time that would have been ignored. But then it still happens even today so I can hardly accuse earlier generations of such a crime. Let's just hope that should I have been born thirty years earlier I would have been buying MC5's Back in the USA and Funhouse instead. Anyhow, "S-ucky Man" aside (see what I did there?) there is actually some pretty fine music on offer here. Not least the epic "Take a Pebble" which is actually interesting, for a change. You don't need me to say this as I've already said I like the song, but K Emerson relies solely on a piano (no doubt a grand piano, this being ELP) and thus the song doesn't sound all that dated. The musical structure of the song actually makes me think of water so perhaps ELP have actually made a successful artistic statement. Well, I'll be. Lake is a decent vocalist, without being spectacular, but at least he doesn't sing like Jon Anderson. Let's be thankful for small mercies. The melody isn't great but it does its job and the song often drops away and comes back in and shit like that without any extended solos. A bit like one of the better moments from Genesis' Selling England by the Pound. An ELP song I actually like. The album opener, "The Barbarian" is instrumental only but Emerson lays on some great chops on his hammond organ (hurrah!) and Lake's bass sounds perfectly primal. A sound intro to the album, and to their career. Certainly things weren't going to get much better. Apparently the lads co-wrote it with the classical composer Bartok. Either that or it is an adaptation of a classical piece by Bartok. But I can't believe that. ELP would never do a thing like that. Never in a million years. Actually I guess "Knife-Edge" is pretty straight-forward as well (as "Lucky Man"). Only five minutes long. Kid's stuff, really. It rocks the hardest of the numbers on here and is a decent song. So, in conclusion, a debut album not as bad as you might expect. Not really a classic either, though.

This is the fourth review I've written for this page (although doubtless more will follow) and I've only just realised I haven't yet banged on about prog's stupid time signatures. You know 11/7, 2/6 and shit like that. Well fear not because "Tarkus", the track, is full of them. Which, along with those "faster-than-the-speed-of-light" bass runs, makes the structure almost incomprehensible at times. But wait, what's the song actually about? Why, armadillo tanks of course. What are you, stupid? The imposing title track is a reasonable twenty minutes long and makes up the entire first half of the album. Now That's What I Call Prog Vol. 1. The song is divided into eight sections (although it is only one CD track) but I'm not going to separate them out as I just haven't listened to it enough times. It all sounds the same anyway. On the plus side most of the song is performed on hammond organ but those dreaded synthesisers put in an appearance right at the end, again with a decent amount of pitch bending knob twiddling. That Keith Emerson - he loves it. Well most of the song is pretty good in its own right. The epic vocals are pretty impressive sounding and there's even a couple of short guitar solos. To the best of my knowledge the best part of the song is section f. The Battlefield. Ludicrous, isn't it? Funnily enough, I was watching one of those "I Love Christmas" programmes and ELP popped up to chat about Greg Lake's masterpiece "I Believe in Father Christmas". Keith Emerson still looks very respectable but Greg has certainly let himself go. He's one fat daddy, that's for sure. Perhaps he ate prog rock. That's something to consider. GREG LAKE ATE PROG ROCK. (It looks better in capitals.) I'm actually listening to section g. Aquatarkus right now. My word, those synthesisers sound shit. Why, Emerson, why? Oh yeah, I should give Palmer an honourable mention for some almighty cymbal crashes. Them boys certainly knew how to set their stall out. I guess "Tarkus" is actually a pretty damn fine prog rock track. It ain't "Echoes" but it gives "Close to the Edge" a run for its money and seeing as I much prefer Yes to ELP, that's quite a compliment. I suppose I should dive into the rest of the album now, given that I have said pretty much all I can say about the title track. The second half begins and ends with two throwaway rock 'n' roll numbers and neither are much good. In fact I'd even stretch to bad. Yes, ELP did a bad song. I know it is almost incomprehensible. A bit like their music. "Jeremy Bender" is about an incestuous pervert with references to fisting and "Are You Ready Eddy?" is a tribute to their engineer Eddie Offord. If you ask me, both songs show ELP might as well have stuck to prog. Leave the rock 'n' roll to the bands that actually have a bit of charisma. Having said that, "Bitches Crystal" actually has an energetic performance from Lake. It is quite an up-tempo track similar, although not identical, to "Knife-Edge" from the last album. He really lets rip with a scream towards the end. Iggy Pop eat your heart out. Actually, he's probably already tried. Hah, I've got to mention "The Only Way (Hymn)". "God made you choose, why did he lose, six million jews?". Oh Lake you are a pretentious so-and-so. Prog should stick to "mutant enemies" and armadillo tanks. Emerson actually makes the best of a bad job on "The Only Way" with some nice piano parts (presumably lifted from some classical pieces). "The Only Way" then seamlessly segues into its conclusion, "Infinite Space" with Emerson continuing his pseudo-classical solo. Thankfully it's on a piano so it sounds pretty good. "A Time and a Place" follows on from the Hymn/Conclusion saga and is another decent song. Funny, eh? Maybe ELP aren't that bad after all. I can't tell for certain but I think "A Time and a Place" may be, in itself, a bit of a continuation from "Bitches Crystal". And that's what I like to see. Again Lake roars a bit, making for a more passionate affair. Although still strangely unemotional. But then it is prog, you can't have anything. Therefore a follow-up album not much worse than the debut, if at all. And all that and armadillo tanks. You are some lucky, lucky people.

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